Being an Evangelical Catholic is like telling your story to the world. In other words, it’s speaking from your heart knowing no matter who might be listening; the story would be the same. It’s knowing what you heard is the truth because it’s the same truth any believer would have heard. It’s about learning some life lessons, seeing yourself in them and learning from the experience. One of my lessons is this.
When I was in the world, making my way as a wage earner I was intently focused on the rewards of my labor. I wanted the prestige work, the money and all the trimmings. I was so focused on the gifts, I forgot about the Giver of Gifts. I was so focused on me I forgot about Him. As I came to realize it was me focused on me, I got a glimpse of His Grace; it had been Jesus all along. Some one told me, we are all guided missiles on an ever-correcting course, and I actually understood some of what that meant. I was getting part of the story, at least enough to turn and look.
What I saw, was amazing; hiding in plain sight so to speak. A confirming and reassuring state of mind was making its present felt, I was heading toward a Baptism of Desire. The apprehensive aspects were fading away and the yearning and eagerness were providing the energy. This was beginning to get exciting. The possibilities were endless, this sure seemed like the vista vision I was looking for. I was about to be forgiven. Forgiven for the pain and confusion I had caused. Forgiven for being the small person I so dearly protected.
It was only after I had joyously jump on the band wagon, had taken my victory lap and stood in the adulation of my many admirers that it hit me like the five-gallon ice cold shower of gator aid; I had done it again. The same old me, just amped up, the same circuits, the same electric, the same old stuff. I had missed again. It wasn’t about me and my forgiveness; it was about Him and His Divine Mercy. It wasn’t what I was getting; it was what He was giving. OK, strike two; what’s next, I don’t know. I know where He is leading me, I don’t know how he will get me there, but I’m going with Him anyway.